I celebrated my 32nd birthday yesterday, hold your applause, and among the annual phone calls was one from a good friend that commended me on “creating a problem” this past week. That problem: boring weddings.

You see, if you haven’t heard from me lately then you’d be surprised to hear that I’ve been on TV and radio all week because I’m the celebrant “that doesn’t do boring weddings”.

Which isn’t totally correct. Being a celebrant is a passion of mine, but it’s also my career. I buy my wife pretty things and feed our cat with the income recieved from marrying people. So I haven’t said no to anyone yet. But you also won’t find me promoting that boring wedding I did last week.

So leading into this blog post everyone asks me what makes a boring wedding:

Three things you’ll find at every boring wedding

1. Lack of purpose

If you were watching the video of a wedding the day after and didn’t have good reason for every element of the ceremony, then it lacked purpose.

I’m not advocating putting dad away and not walking down the aisle, after all you have to arrive at the ceremony some how, but every single thing that happens should have a reason.

Things without reason are boring. Things with reason are tolerated. Things with awesome reasons are awesome.

Simply: everything that happens on your wedding day should have a reason and a purpose, otherwise burn it in the fire!

2. Waste of time

Almost everyone that sits in front of me in my office as we plan their ceremony tells me they want a “short ceremony”.

The problem is, there is no defined long or short of a ceremony.

However, an awesome ceremony can go for hours and it seems like minutes. A boring ceremony can go for minutes and seem like hours.

So try to minimise the time wasters so everyone knows why they’re out in the sun at 3pm on Saturday.

Also, guests, try to arrive early but not to early, and brides, try not to be too late.

Simply: Waste no-one’s time, but take as long as everything takes. This is why morning weddings with lunchtime receptions are often some of the best, the time limit post-reception isn’t there and the party slides into the evening after lunch.

3. Awkward

In-jokes, unexplained traditions, directionless locations, waiting without reason, uncles saying things they shouldn’t, family fights that could have waited until tomorrow, weddings that feel like funerals, all of these things are awkward. Minimise the awkward at your wedding!

Simply: Awkward things usually become awkward because they just aren’t “you!” If something at your wedding isn’t “you” then send it down the chute!

I asked on Twitter and Facebook what other people felt made weddings boring, you can add yours in the comments below!