Welcome to a little bit of insight into my brain; I’ve spent the last week thinking about an end-of-year, start-of-the-year, blog post. I’ve drafted about five and none have made it to print. So much like my friend Ash changing his profile picture, I’ve deliberated and come to this 2013/2014 blog post: everything I learned in 2013. I may have forgotten a thing or two.

  • Always check masquerade ball masks before the wedding so you know they fit your massive face.
  • Eagle Heights Mountain Resort is just past the Google Maps location, so don’t worry, you’re not lost, it’s just further up the road
  • If you’re going to release butterflies, let them warm up in the sun before you try to awaken them from slumber by shaking their cage in front of a crowd of wedding guests.
  • North Stradbroke’s Straddie Views is not a short walk to the Beach Hotel. It’s even less-shorter at midnight with DJ gear.
  • Hire a helicopter to get to and from Noosa on Saturday afternoons.
  • Western Sydney is not the place to be wearing a full suit before June or after August. Also, order taxis at least an hour or two early around Campbelltown.
  • The Mercure Hotel Canberra has an electrical grounding problem in its function room.
  • You can often roll the dice and win when trying to get street parking at the City Botanical Gardens but if you luck out, park at the QUT visitors carpark.
  • Daylight savings time means Byron Bay is on some on the different time at some other time of the year, oh who knows, just leave home at 6am and hope you’re early enough for a 3pm ceremony.
  • The Cape Byron Lighthouse parking attendants let celebrants park in the special staff carpark if you let them know you’re a celebrant.
  • Montville’s Secrets on the Lake’s PA system isn’t really big enough for a wedding ceremony, you should bring your own PA system at all times, even if they say it’s ok. Also, the “signing table” at Secrets is nowhere near the ceremony area.
  • There’s not enough 3G coverage at the Cottage Garden Nursery in East Brisbane to let people in Europe Skype into a wedding and they don’t have WiFi.
  • There aren’t any carparks anywhere at Sunshine Beach, it’s best to skydive in.
  • 9 Webb Road, Sunshine Beach, is the best beachside lawn in all of Queensland
  • Make sure you check out your wet-weather backup and make sure it’s not in front of the toilets.
  • In case you leave your suit in Brisbane, Townsville has a Myer with an extensive range of suits in all sizes.
  • Give fathers more than 15 minutes notice of an impending speech-expectation, apparently not all fathers know they should speak at their child’s wedding.
  • More weddings should be on boats.
  • Tissues, always have more tissues.
  • Canberra airport doesn’t have a great coffee shop.
  • Skip the sauna and go to a 3pm wedding in summer!
  • Always work with dogs and children, they make weddings personal and hilarious.
  • Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls has a great instrumental intro that works as an awesome reception entry song.
  • Having a bridal party doesn’t make it a crappy wedding, but every wedding without a bridal party is awesome.
  • Cedar Creek Estate is the best kept wedding venue I’ve ever walked into and the chapel is just gorgeous.
  • Getting your own beer brewed with “Your Name‘s Shout” on the label is awesome.
  • Brides and grooms that attend the Vintage and Handmade Bridal Fair are cool people not because of the vintage thing but because they are being deliberate about planning their wedding.
  • Christmas is the “girlfriends saying yes” season as well as Jesus’ birthday.
  • Surprise weddings are the best kind of wedding.
  • Vets only know how to fix animals, they don’t know a lot about why kittens scratch me.
  • You can run a whole wedding on one portable PA system if the power goes out.
  • If the power goes out on a wedding, the number two priority is cooling, number one, beer.
  • Eves on the Park is a funky venue.
  • Same sex marriage is not the same as marriage equality.
  • Having your wedding on your parent’s property is awesome, especially if their property is on Mount Tamborine.
  • O’Reilly’s Moonlight Crag has the best views out of all the wedding venues I’ve ever been to in my lifetime.
  • Having Darth Vader involved in a wedding makes it 4000% better straight up.
  • The most popular version of the Lord’s Prayer is the King James Version.
  • Cedar Creek Lodges’ wedding chapel is sloping.
  • Glengariff has air conditioning now.
  • Glengariff didn’t have air conditioning until October, 2013?!?!
  • Newfarm Park is a lovely venue. The problem is that everyone thinks that, and they go there during your ceremony, and play drums.
  • The Sunshine Coast wedding industry is tighter than a fishes rectum.
  • Hire awesome wedding stylists. I met one without common sense, big expense to a wedding day.
  • Always check your public park wedding venue for homeless people so they don’t accidentally interrupt a wedding.
  • When driving a limousine don’t try and find a park. Just stop in the middle of the road. There are no parks for you.
  • Don’t assume that father-looking and sounding people are fathers.
  • Indooroopilly Golf Club doesn’t have a perfect ceremony venue, all of their grassed areas are sloping.
  • Cloudland has awesome toilets.
  • Put red food dye and blow-up dolls in spas on Halloween for that extra “oooh something spooky is happening” feeling at your Halloween wedding.
  • The Brisbane wedding industry has more cool people in it than Oxford Street on any given Saturday morning.
  • If North Stradbroke Island gets an electrical short, then the Beach Hotel’s PA system doesn’t work. Awkwards!
  • Always wear a jetpack in case you call a bride by a name that isn’t hers.
  • There’s a fancy hipster bar I can go to in Melbourne where people recognise me. Yet to find this bar in Brisbane.
  • Walkabout Creek is almost too tranquil on weekdays.
  • Storm cells will only interrupt weddings wear candles are involved. It’s a fact.
  • When on the beach at Straddie severe storms will force the wedding inside so you can watch the blue skies from the safety of undercover.
  • Park near the surf club for Salt Beach weddings.
  • If there’s a Channel Nine camera in front of you and the red light is on, you could, and probably will, go live at any second, minutes before you’re expecting a pre-interview which would be a precursor to a real live TV interview that you’d feel prepared for.
  • Parking around The Reserve in Milton is scarce on Taylor Swift concert days.
  • 9:10am at 11/12/13 is the last full sequential day and time wedding date for 86 years or so.
  • CityCats are awesome wedding transport for Orleigh Park weddings.
  • I’m not allowed to perform weddings, even if they’re for a laugh, in Catholic churches.
  • You need to give Skype “Microphone” access in settings to Skype a wedding to South Africa, apparently.
  • Australian Chinese food is nothing like Chinese Chinese food, but it’s good enough for a wedding lunch, according to a Chinese bride.
  • Flaxton Gardens is a delicious wedding venue.
  • If you talk about being a celebrant on national TV at least three celebrants will make dismissable complaints to theAttorney General’s office.
  • Every time two people come together in matrimony, the weather gets just a little bit better, the temp drops, the rain ceases, the wind calms, I see weather miracles every weekend.
  • Day jobs really get in the way of being a celebrant.
  • Marriage is about partnership, I’m so lucky to be in partnership with an empowering and liberating stunner like Britt!
  • 2013 was the best year of my life ever.

I feel like I’ve forgotten a few things, but all in all 2013 was a freakingly amazing year. Here’s to an even better 2014!