Not many people would advocate for people to cancel their services, and I’m probably not going to make a habit out of it, but when a couple contacted me this week letting me know that they were cancelling me, and it was my fault, it has been on my mind ever since I opened the email.

Not that I did anything wrong, or bad, or that they were unhappy with me. In-fact it was over meatballs in Melbourne where we first met and laid out the plans for an awesome wedding south of Sydney where I would be the celebrant that everything began to unravel. And the purpose of this blog is to let you know it’s ok.

The plan began like this:

We have scoured wedding celebrants’ databases and websites and absolutely love your outlook and approach to all things wedded bliss!

We do not, as yet, have a particular date in mind as we are trying to pick the best date based on venue/celebrant/caterer availability – so the date I’ve proposed in this form is just indicative. We live in Melbourne but our families are spread between Sydney, Bathurst and Canberra, thus have chosen a half-way point for the shenanigans.

The general plan is that we will hire a property for 4 – 5 days where we and our immediate family members (13 adults and 5 children) will stay. We will the hold the ceremony at the property with an additional 20 invited guests to attend for casual lunching, drinking and obligatory danceflooring.

If you have any availability/interest in leaving the Queensland warmth for the cold, cold, cold during August please let me know what dates might work for you.

Which I’m sure you can agree, sounds amazing.

The “problem” arose when we met and we shared our philosophies of marriage, and how to celebrate it. Regular readers will know that beyond all else, I’m a champion of people that choose to celebrate their marriage in a meaningful, purposeful, awesome way.

So as I encouraged them to do exactly that, the ball began rolling, and it turned out a, marriage ceremony was indeed not what they wanted, even if I was the celebrant.

In preparation for our May catch up, we were putting down our thoughts on the ceremony but kept butting up against a problem – we didn’t want one. I light of the intimacy of the guest list and the purpose and value of our marriage as a declaration to family, with family – the whole celebrant/ ceremony aspect made it feel more like making a commitment in front of family and whilst we couldn’t ask for a celebrant who we would like more as a guest, there being even one person there on the day that wasn’t family just felt at odds with the idea.

How can I even be angry or upset at that. And that, dear reader of this little blog, is how I wanted to encourage you today: despite society, community, culture, and Facebook groups telling you how you should celebrate your marriage, there is only one way in creating your wedding: your way.

So you’re probably wondering how they’re going to begin/celebrate/solmenize their marriage? Here’s how it’s going to roll out:

We are still getting married (yay!) but we are going to split the legal, formal ‘recognition’ of our marriage from the what we see as the act of our marriage. So the plan is to head off towards our Sydney celebration a couple of days early, stop in at {small town in the middle of nowhere}, say some words and sign some documents in the court house, have a mini-solo “we just got married” honeymoon and then head to family and friends for a celebration where we will exchange our vows and our rings as seamlessly as possible.

How’s that, after our first catch up chats about how it’s good to reassess and test your ideas about what you want and us saying yeah, we’ve done that…apparently not so much.

I’ll let Ben Folds sing me out tonight”

You might put your love and trust on the line
It’s risky, people love to tear that down
Let ’em try
Do it anyway
Risk it anyway

And if you’re paralyzed by a voice in your head
It’s the standing still that should be scaring you instead
Go on and
Do it anyway
Do it anyway

The feature photo from this blog post is by Millyjane!