5 Things No-One Tells You About Marriage

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Sure, we’ve all heard about the small stuff—like accepting that towels might be folded “wrong,” enduring game night with the boys, or resigning yourself to rom-coms on your TV. But marriage is tough in ways no one mentions at weddings. Here’s the real talk: five tough truths about marriage that every married person knows—and how to face them head-on and win anyway.

1. Marriage isn’t fair. And it never will be.

Marriage is not a 50/50 split. Some days it’s 90/10, and the next it might swing the other way. Life isn’t a perfectly balanced teeter-totter, and neither is love.

Picture this: you’re on a teeter-totter trying to stay perfectly level the whole time. Whenever someone starts to rise, the other complains about how unfair it is. Nobody laughs, nobody enjoys the ride. That’s not a playground—that’s purgatory.

Marriage works when you stop keeping score. Push when it’s your turn, ride the highs, and trust your person not to send you flying when you’re up top. The joy is in the motion, not the math.

2. There’s no finish line.

My mother-in-law always says, “You can tolerate anything if you know when it will end.” But marriage doesn’t end—at least, not the way we want to think about it. The vows don’t say, “Until someone gets bored” or “Until one of us needs more me-time.”

This is a magic spell without an undo button, a permanent shift in how you see yourself and your partner. It’s two people becoming one entity and tossing the escape hatch. There’s no exit strategy here, and honestly, that’s the beauty of it. Embrace the fact that you’re building something that lasts forever.

3. There are no rest days.

Marriage isn’t a part-time job. There’s no vacation, no weekend off, no parole for good behavior. But here’s the kicker—you won’t want a break. You don’t want time off from your left arm, your working lungs, or your favorite playlist. Marriage is a part of you now.

That’s not to say it’s easy. There will be days when you’re sick of compromise and tired of selflessness. But remember: you’ve already done the hard stuff—dating. You’re not out there swiping, small-talking, or figuring out if they like pineapple on pizza. You found your person. That’s the real win.

4. There’s no scoreboard.

Marriage isn’t a game, so stop looking for trophies. There’s no leaderboard, no “Best Couple” medal, and absolutely no way to compare your marriage to anyone else’s. Think your friends have it all figured out because their Instagram looks dreamy? Maybe behind the photos, they’re sleeping in separate rooms. Or maybe that couple who bickers constantly has a passion that’s off the charts.

Here’s the only measure that matters: is your marriage better today than it was yesterday? That’s it. Keep building, keep growing, and let the rest of the world do its thing.

5. There are no rules.

Marriage is a “choose your own adventure” book. Sure, there are basics—don’t kill each other, be kind, you know the drill. But beyond that, every couple writes their own rules. Swinging into retirement? Calling each other by goofy pet names? Eating breakfast for dinner every Wednesday? If it works for you two, then it works.

The trick is not comparing your marriage to some imaginary “perfect” version. Be your own weird, wild, wonderful selves.

Marriage is endless, relentless, and messy. It’s also a gift—a chance to build a life so uniquely yours that no one else can even copy it. Stop comparing, start living, and hold onto each other with everything you’ve got. Build something so strong that the hard stuff makes it even tougher to break.

Lean in. Love hard. This is worth it.