6 Scientific Tips For A Successful Marriage

Scientists haven’t quite nailed the fairy tale love potion yet, but they’ve got some rock-solid advice to help you build a lasting marriage. Here are six science-backed tips for making your current or future marriage a little more awesome.

1. Marry someone with a similar approach to money

It turns out, love isn’t blind when it comes to spending habits. Tightwads and spendthrifts often attract each other like magnets, but it doesn’t always end well. Research from the University of Michigan found that couples who are financial opposites argue more and are less satisfied in the long run.

Sure, two big spenders might rack up more debt together, but they’re also less likely to argue about it. So, if your partner’s online shopping habit makes your eye twitch, maybe sit down and have “the talk” about finances early.

2. Have lots of sex

Here’s some good news: intimacy can save the day, even for the most neurotic among us (looking at you, Woody Allen types). Research from the University of Tennessee found that neurotic newlyweds who had frequent sex were just as satisfied in their marriage as their more chill counterparts.

Bonus round: if your sex life isn’t fireworks now, it might get better with time. A study in BJU International revealed men in their 50s were more satisfied with their sex lives than men in their 30s. There’s hope yet!

3. Say “Thank you” and “we”

Gratitude and teamwork—simple but effective. Researchers from Arizona State University discovered that couples who express appreciation for one another have less resentment and more satisfaction in their relationships. Don’t just assume they know you’re grateful—say it out loud.

Also, those little pronouns matter. A study from Psychology and Aging showed that couples who use “we” and “our” during arguments stay more connected and less stressed. On the flip side, too much “I” and “me” can lead to more conflict. So, go team “us”!

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff (but don’t ignore it either)

Here’s the bad news: your spouse might get more irritating over time. A study from the University of Michigan found that we tend to find our partners increasingly annoying as the years roll on.

The good news? This is totally normal. Understanding that little irritations are par for the course might just help you roll with them instead of rolling your eyes.

5. Be honest, even when it’s tough

Conflict doesn’t have to be the enemy of a good marriage. In fact, being direct—maybe even critical—can actually help some couples thrive. Research from the University of Tennessee suggests that placing blame and being less forgiving might motivate real change in struggling relationships.

But a word of caution: this approach is for serious issues, not everyday squabbles over who left the fridge door open again.

6. Put in the work

Spoiler alert: happily-ever-after isn’t handed to you; it’s built. A 2009 study in Review of General Psychology found that long-term couples who put effort into their relationship were more likely to stay in love.

The secret sauce? Prioritizing time together, resolving conflicts smoothly, and seeking out new and exciting experiences. Think of your marriage as a garden—it’ll flourish if you water it regularly and pull out the weeds. Neglect it, and, well, you know the rest.

So, whether you’re planning a wedding or celebrating decades together, these tips are your blueprint. Marriage might not come with a manual, but science has given us some pretty good footnotes.