Awesome wedding readings you have almost probably never heard

I Wanna Be Yours

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion

– John Cooper Clarke

Change out Ford Cortina for your car of choice

Union

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with

“I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late-night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –

This is my husband. This is my wife.

– Robert Fulghum

A Lovely Love Story

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

“I like this Dinosaur,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny. He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.”

“I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.”

“But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “He is also overly fond of things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?”

“But her mind skips from here to there so quickly,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?”

“I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur, “for they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.”

“I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping,” thought the Dinosaur, “for she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.”

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old. Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

And that, my friends, is how it is with love.

Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place.

– Giles Andreae aka Edward Monkton

Pro-tip: buy the book and read it from the book, it’s even cuter than this!

Abridged version

Looking for a shorter/abirdged version of the reading?

The fierce dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice until the lovely other dinosaur came and melted it with kind thoughts and loving words. Now they stand together on the hill, telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

The Day the Saucers Came

That Day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find out what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice because

That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because

On the saucer day, which was zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because

On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because

That day, the saucer day, the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day,
the day the great winds came
And snows and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

– Neil Gaiman

They’re Not Perfect

Edited for gender

They’re not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.

But if they can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto them and give them the most you can.

They might not quote poetry, or are thinking about you every moment, but they will give you a part of themselves that they know you could break. Don’t hurt them, don’t change them, and don’t expect for more than they can give.

Don’t analyse. Smile when they make you happy, yell when they make you mad, and miss them when they’re not there. Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect people don’t exist, but there’s always one that is perfect for you.

– originally by Bob Marley, edited by Josh

Excerpt from The Amber Spyglass

I will love you forever; whatever happens.

Till I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, till I find you again…

I’ll be looking for you, every moment, every single moment.

And when we do find each other again, we’ll cling together so tight that nothing and no one’ll ever tear us apart.

Every atom of me and every atom of you…

We’ll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams…

And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me.

– from Philip Pullman’s The Amber Spyglass

The Velveteen Rabbit

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nanna came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

– excerpt from Margery Williams’s Velveteen Rabbit

Blue-Eyed Devil

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates,
Or love at first sight.
But I was beginning to believe
That a very few times in your life, if you were lucky,
You might meet someone
Who was exactly right for you.
Not because he was perfect,
Or because you were,
But because your combined flaws
Were arranged in a way
That allowed two separate beings
To hinge together.

– excerpt from “Blue-Eyed Devil” by Lisa Kleypas

The Notebook

Poets often describe love
as an emotion that we can’t control,
one that overwhelms logic
and common sense.

That’s what it was like for me.

I didn’t plan on falling in love with you,
and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me.

But once we met,
it was clear
that neither of us could control
what was happening to us.

We fell in love,
despite our differences,
and once we did,
something rare and beautiful was created.

For me, love like that has happened only once,
and that’s why every minute we spent together
has been seared in my memory.

I’ll never forget a single moment of it.

– an excerpt from the book “The Notebook” by Nicholas Sparks which of course inspired the movie

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness,
It is not excitement,
It is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
And this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
And when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches,
They find that they are one tree and not two.

- an excerpt from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernières’

The Irrational Season

Ultimately there comes a time when a decision must be made.

Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take.

It is indeed a fearful gamble.

Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take.

If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation.

It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling.

– an excerpt from “The Irrational Season” by Madeleine L’Engle

“Les Misérables” by Victor Hugo

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness. We pardon to the extent that we love. Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves

The Bridge Across Forever

A soul mate is someone
Who has locks that fit our keys,
And keys to fit our locks.
When we feel safe enough to open the locks,
Our truest selves step out
And we can be completely
And honestly, who we are.

We can be loved for who we are
And not for who we’re pretending to be.
Each unveils the best part of the other.

No matter what else goes wrong around us,
With that one person
We’re safe in our own paradise.

Our soul mate is someone
Who shares our deepest longings,
Our sense of direction.
When we’re two balloons,
And together our direction is up,
Chances are we’ve found the right person.

Our soul mate is the one
Who makes life, come to life.

– an excerpt from Richard Bach’s “The Bridge Across Forever”

Jane Eyre

I have for the first time found what I can truly love
I have found you.
You are my sympathy - my better self - my good angel.
I am bound to you with a strong attachment.
I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent,
A solemn passion is conceived in my heart.
It leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life,
Wraps my existence about you and,
Kindling in pure, powerful flame,
Fuses you and me in one.

– excerpt from “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Brontë

Everything is Illuminated

I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you,
or has loved you, or will love you, and also,
I love you in a way that no one loves you,
or has loved you, or will love you, and also,
I love you in a way that I love no one else,
and never have loved anyone else,
and never will love anyone else.

– excerpt from “Everything is Illuminated” by Jonathan Safran Foer

Grow Old With You

Good afternoon, everyone. We’re flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to 30,000 feet, and we’ve got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas. Right now, we’re bringing you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers. And since we let our first class passengers do, pretty much whatever they want, here he is…” - Billy Idol

I wanna make you smile,
whenever you’re sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
Oh, all i wanna do, is grow old with you.
I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh, it could be so nice, growin’ old with you.

I’ll miss you, kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold,
need you, feed you.
I’ll even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man who grows old with you.
I wanna grow old with you…

– Robbie Hart/Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer, YouTube

Monica’s vows to Chandler

For so long, I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate.
Then, three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort.
And instead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life.
And now, here we are, with our future before us,
and I only want to spend it with you,
my prince, my soulmate, my friend.

— Monica Geller-Bing in Friends, YouTube

Of course if you’re going to read this you need to end the ceremony with Everlong by Foo Fighters too

The Princess Bride

I love you. I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I’ve ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn’t matter.

I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now then when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl.

I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do.

– an excerpt from The Princess Bride

The Fault in Our Stars

I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.

I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.

- excerpt from The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Goodridge vs. Department of Public Health

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society.

For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits.

In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations.

Without question, civil marriage enhances the welfare of the community.

It is a social institution of the highest importance.

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry.

Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.

Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

– an excerpt from the ruling of Massachusetts Supreme Court, Judge Margaret Marshall