Terrible weddings have a few things in common and if you’re planning your own wedding, it’s worth “dialling before you dig” so you yourself don’t have a shit wedding.

1) Shit weddings are often mum’s second wedding

It’s lovely that mum has an opinion, and you should honour and respect her and her opinion. But it’s not her wedding. The mum in this story can be anyone who really feels that need to tell you how to celebrate your marriage you’re about to begin with that person you love.

2) A shit wedding holds true to tradition but not to the people

Traditions are lovely, but not necessary. If the wedding looks more like a hollywood church wedding than your last party then there’s something wrong.

3) A shit wedding has a price/value inequity

A good wedding isn’t expensive, or cheap. A shit wedding isn’t cheap or expensive. It’s not about price. It’s about value. At the very core of a wedding is the impartation of value. It’s the couple valuing friends and family by inviting them to a party. It’s the friends valuing the couple by RSVPing, turning up, bringing gifts, dressing up. It’s the celebrant highlighting and imparting value in the commitment being made and its the bride valuing the groom by marrying him and the groom valuing the bride pretty much by just crying a lot.

Price is what you pay. Value is what you get. – Warren Buffet

So don’t worry about the price, worry about the value.

Some friend groups or families highly value the entertainment and the recording of memories that a photobooth offers. Some don’t. It’s ok, different people value different things. Make sure that every service you hire, thing you buy, person you invite, venue you inhabit, photographer you engage with, is valuable to your celebration.

4) A shit wedding is just another event on the calendar

A shit wedding is just another thing I need to do this weekend. An awesome wedding is that special, unique and valuable that we’re all talking about it on Facebook and we all can’t wait to get to it. Fixing this last point is equally about inviting the right people, probably the ones that you’ve texted or called in the last two months, as it is about planning the right event. After all, your marriage is mathematically unique, it’s the only one in the whole universe.

So your wedding, celebrating that unique marriage, should be a one in a million event, not a keeping up with the Joneses event.

Fuck the Joneses. There, someone had to say it.

Sorry for swearing a lot.