Writing the best personal wedding vows

No fluff, just actionable, real advice to help you craft awesome wedding vows that will make your partner laugh, cry, and feel the depth of your connection.

Writing vows can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be.

Here’s the simple guide to nailing it.

Step 1: Understand what vows are

First up, let’s define what a vow actually is. It’s not a question, and it’s not a promise to do something in the future like, “I will” or “I do.” A vow is a declaration of intent. It’s about what you promise right here, right now. It’s a commitment to your partner.

Your vows are for one person and one person only. Everyone else at the ceremony? They’re just lucky to get a front-row seat. Keep your focus on your partner—what do they need to hear from you? Make your vows personal and intimate.

Step 2: The Google Trap

Please don’t just copy-paste vows from the internet. The vows you find online were written for someone else, about someone else’s marriage, and they won’t mean much for yours. Instead, use this guide to make your vows sound like you.

Step 3: What should be in your vows?

At the core, vows should be a response to the overwhelming moment of your wedding ceremony and a response to the person you’re standing across from.

This day is massive—it’s one of life’s milestones—and you’re sharing it with your absolute favorite person in the world. That’s what your vows need to express.

Think about these three things:

1. How do they make you feel? Be real here. Do they make you feel safe? Loved? Like you can conquer anything together?
2. What do you admire most about them? Mention the traits and qualities that you value in them, and why they matter to you.
3. What are you promising? This is the “vow” part. What are you committing to? To love them through thick and thin? To laugh with them every day? Be specific and meaningful.

Step 4: No “Standard” Vows

Forget about so-called “standard” vows or what tradition dictates. If you’re getting married in Australia, you’ve got some legal obligations for what you need to say, like identifying yourselves and confirming you want to marry. I’ll take you through them separate to your personal vows. But everything else? Totally up to you.

Step 5: Craft the moment

This is your moment to make your partner feel like a million bucks. Forget about everyone else watching and speak directly to the person who’ll be standing opposite you. For those few minutes, it’s just the two of you. Make sure they know exactly how you feel about them, how much they mean to you, and what this moment means.

Step 6: Keep it honest, keep it real

Your wedding day is full of beautiful chaos—flowers, outfits, makeup—but when it’s time to say your vows, everything pauses for a moment of raw honesty. These words are your truth to the person you’re choosing to spend the rest of your life with. So don’t overthink it. Be yourself.

Step 7: The edit.

Everyone worries about length, and no-one hearing vows is worried about size. They’re worried about how much you care and that together the two of you are breathing your marriage to life with these words.

So make your vows as long as they need to be and no longer, and as short as they need to be, no shorter.

If every word there is encouraging, lovely, and in aid of your marriage, then it belongs.

Make your vows a reflection of your relationship, your love, and your future together. If you speak from the heart, you’ll never go wrong.

Now go write something that’ll make your partner tear up in the best way possible!