Get a wedding razor

Occam’s razor - that the easiest explanation tends to be the right one - is a “rule of thumb” to guide scientists in developing theoretical models. The term “razor” refers to the “shaving away” of unnecessary assumptions.

In most of my wedding planning meetings with my couples we spend some time unearthing assumptions that one of them has.

And as the joke goes - to assume makes an ass of (yo)u and me - the same is often true for people planning weddings.

The healthiest, happiest, cheapest, best, most efficient, most joyful, most awesome way to plan your wedding is to shave away all of the unnecessary assumptions until you’re left with your identifying statement.

A statement that says that this is who you both are; this is how people like you get married; this is how people like you do things like this.

An example will help.

So many grooms as we bring up walking down the aisle have an assumption that they would be standing at the end of the aisle and their bride would walk to them, escorted by her father.

Which is a totally fine thing to do if that’s how people like you do things.

However there are so many other ways to do this. You could walk in together after arriving together and possibly even getting ready together, or perhaps having a first look? Fathers need not be involved unless that’s a symbolically important aspect of your marriage ceremony.

Then there’s the assumptions (or opinions) of parents and family. Or worse: expectations!

All of these assumptions and expectations can be easily approached if you have a wedding razor.

I was recently at a wedding and a parent wanted to move the ceremony location (parents can become terribly odd at weddings). Alas I told her that I wouldn’t be involved in such a plot considering the wedding stylists had set it up exactly where the couple had asked them to.

One of the people getting married however came over to get involved and very simply and calmly stated that this is where it was staying, and they could do so because they knew why they were having a wedding, they were fully informed and aware of all the decisions being made, and could rationally and lovingly tell mum that it wasn’t happening.

I’m in lots of wedding Facebook Groups (pray for me!) and a common concern is with a groom who is either being tight on budget, or not supportive.

My argument back is that if it was their wedding too (as opposed to “the bride’s day”) then there would be no issue.

And if they know what is happening, and why it’s happening, I would argue that budget would be no issue. Or if budget was an issue, both of you would be aware of it and the compromise would be mutual.

Instead there are guys with uncommunicated assumptions, people with expectations, and brides sitting in Facebook Groups resenting the lot of them.

Britt and I want to renovate our kitchen, but we’ve both agreed that we want to save up for it so it’s not happening today. We’re not resenting each other because we’ve talked about it and we’ve compromised.

We know how and why we do things, and the kitchen will get renovated one day soon.

Your “Wedding Razor” is the guiding principle that helps you decide what truly matters as a couple.

A wedding is not just a party. Something important and valuable is happening, you’re getting married to each other, what happens there, and who’s there, reflects those values.

Step away from Pinterest boards, the Facebook Groups, the WeddingTok rabbit hole, and get into an intentional conversation with your partner.

Define what success looks like: love, connection, meaning, and fun over obligation, extravagance, or trends. How do you know you’re having the hashtag best wedding ever? How can you both be sure that the other person is feeling heard, seen, and understood?

Apply your Wedding Razor to planning choices: venue, guest list, traditions, spending.

For example if your razor talks about intimacy, why is there 200 people coming? Why is Jeff from work getting an invite?

If your why is adventure, then maybe the golf club isn’t the best locale.

If your why is family, how do you centre them in a way that still honours your boundaries?

Your razor also gives you both permission to say no. To parents, friends, family, workmates, and even yourself.

The wedding industry online - aka social media, magazines, blogs, thrives on making you feel like you’re missing out.

With a razor you’ll never miss out because you’ve approached your wedding with intention and purpose.

Unsure whether to do something or book a particular vendor? “Does this align with our why?” If not, it’s a no.

Your wedding razor isn’t just for wedding planning—it’s a tool for life. Get a life razor. A marriage razor. Approach every moment with intention and purpose.