The Withers Wedding Method

I meet countless couples who start wedding planning by asking, “What do we need to have at our wedding?” The truth is, you need far less than you think. The other question they ask that makes life hard for them is “are you available?”

I’m going to help you avoid both questions and bring joy to the process for you!

Almost everything you’ve been told is “essential” for a wedding is actually optional.

This is what I call the Withers Wedding Method – a way of planning that puts purpose before Pinterest boards and meaning before marketing hype.

Know What You Actually Need to Get Married

In Australia, getting legally married requires exactly five things:

1. Two people (you and your partner) who consent to marry
2. A celebrant (me, or someone like me)
3. Two witnesses (your mates, your parents, whoever)
4. A place we can identify as Australian territory
5. Some specific words – I tell you what marriage is, you say you take each other as spouses

That’s it. Seriously.

Outside of Australia, even less.

Once I’ve said the monitum (the legal definition of marriage) and you’ve exchanged the required vows, you’re married. If the earth opened up and swallowed us whole at that moment, you’d have died a married couple.

Everything else – and I mean everything – is optional.

The flowers, the photographer, the three-course meal, the string quartet, the vintage car, the favours nobody takes home – all optional.

The Power of “Why?”

Here’s where the method gets interesting. For everything you’re considering adding to your wedding, ask one simple question: Why?

Not in a judgmental way, but in a purposeful way. Why do you want a photographer? Why do you want flowers? Why do you want a sit-down dinner versus cocktails?

Your answers might be:

• “Because we want beautiful photos to remember this day”
• “Because I’ve dreamed of walking down the aisle with flowers since I was little”
• “Because we love bringing people together over good food”

All perfect reasons. But they might also be:

• “Because everyone has a photographer”
• “Because my mum says we have to”
• “Because that’s what weddings look like on Instagram”

Those aren’t reasons to spend thousands of dollars.

The Five Elements of a Wedding

I break weddings down into four categories. Each one is optional, but understanding them helps you choose with purpose.

1. The Getting Married Bit

Getting married exists on a spectrum of “people like us, do things like this.” Spanning from “the legal bit can take 30 seconds and happen over a cafe table” to “we invited everyone our family has ever known and filled a cathedral.”

You get to choose how you mark and celebrate that moment. Every celebrant, priest, minister, or officiant will have a different opinion and vibe for this moment and that’s why you choose a certain celebrant - because their vibe matches your “people like us do things like this”.

2. Capturing the Story

This is your photographer, videographer, creator, painter, and anyone documenting your day. You’re not just buying photos – you’re hiring a skilled storyteller who’ll be present for every important moment, knowing when to capture your mum’s tears or your partner’s laugh.

Good wedding photographers cost what they cost because they’re artists who genuinely care about your day. They’re not just clicking a button; they’re creating timeless images that will hang on your walls for decades.

Choose this if: You value having beautiful, professional documentation of your day. Skip it if you’re genuinely happy with iPhone photos and your mate taking a few snaps.

3. Making It Pretty

This covers everything visual – your dress, suit, flowers, styling, decorations, venue choice. Pretty isn’t superficial; it’s how we show something matters to us.

When we dress up for an event, we’re saying “this is important.” When we choose a beautiful location or add flowers to tables, we’re creating an environment that reflects our values.

Your venue isn’t just a place; it’s like a frame around a photo, it gives that image a place to exist and draws your attention to it. Your venue is a frame for your marriage celebration. Some locations naturally create the perfect atmosphere for a ceremony. Others might be Instagram-pretty but feel awkward when you’re actually trying to get married there.

Choose pretty if: You want your day to look and feel a certain way. Skip elaborate styling if you truly don’t care about the visual elements.

4. Entertainment

This isn’t just your DJ or band – it’s everything that creates the vibe. Food, drinks, music, games, activities. The secret? Plan entertainment that you will genuinely enjoy.

If you’re having a ball, everyone else will too. If you don’t dance, don’t book a DJ and expect people to dance. If you love board games, set up game stations. If you’re whisky lovers, have a whisky bar. A LAN party is as valid as a live band if that’s what you’re into. Create a wedding that is fun for you and your guests, not a wedding that looks and feels like one of those cool weddings on Pinterest.

Choose entertainment if: You want to create a party atmosphere that reflects who you are as a couple.

5. The Experience

This includes transport, accommodation for guests, little touches that make the day flow smoothly. Again, it all comes down to purpose.

Arriving in a vintage car because you love classic cars? Perfect. Hiring a car because “that’s what brides do”? Maybe reconsider.

The Withers Wedding Method is: Choose Your Team, Then Choose Your Date

Here’s where it all those decisions come together: instead of picking a venue, which means you then pick a date and then you start finding vendors; instead, choose your team that can make the kind of wedding you want, first, then work together to find a date that works for everyone, including your venue.

Your photographer, celebrant, and other key vendors become your creative collaborators.

When you find people whose work genuinely excites you, whose personalities click with yours, who understand your vision – work with them to find the perfect date.

This approach means you get your first-choice team rather than settling for whoever’s available on your predetermined date.

The Real Purpose

The Withers Wedding Method isn’t about having a minimal wedding or a lavish one. It’s about having an intentional wedding.

Every element of your day should have purpose – whether that purpose is “because it brings us joy” or “because it’s meaningful to our families” or even “because we just bloody love good champagne.”

When everything has a reason for being there, you won’t have regrets about overspending or feel like you’re just ticking boxes someone else created.

Remember This

Your marriage will be better than your wedding. Your wedding is just day one of forever – and what a beautiful day one it can be when it truly reflects who you are as a couple.

When I create ceremonies for couples who’ve used this method, there’s a different energy. Everything feels intentional, authentic, and joyful. The couple isn’t stressed about performing someone else’s idea of a wedding; they’re genuinely celebrating their decision to choose each other.

That’s what I want for you: a wedding day where every element serves the purpose of celebrating your love story, in your way, with your people.

How to enquire without a date

Most wedding vendors are probably waiting to play the “are you available” game, so here’s an example of an email you could write to find out about packages but without worrying about date availability.

Dear [Vendor or Venue Name],

We're reaching out because we're planning our wedding differently than most couples.

Rather than locking in a date and scrambling to find vendors who happen to be available, we're choosing our dream team first – the people whose artistry, values, and approach genuinely resonate with who we are as a couple.

So we're not asking if you're free on a specific date. Instead, we're asking: are we a good fit for each other? And also, what packages do you have that suit our wedding?

Do our values align? Does our vision for this day spark something in you? Would you be excited to be part of our story?

If the answer is yes, then we'd love to collaborate with you and our other chosen creatives to find a date that works beautifully for everyone. We believe the best weddings happen when the right people come together with shared intention – not when couples settle for whoever happens to be available.

We're looking for partners in this journey, not just service providers. We want to work with people who care as much about the meaning of our day as we do.

Would you be interested in having a conversation about whether we're meant to work together?

P.S. We know this approach might sound unconventional, but we've learned that the best things in life – including love itself – rarely happen by following the crowd.