Why Your Celebrant Must Meet You Separately Before Your Wedding

If your marriage celebrant says, “Before the wedding, I need to meet with each of you separately and in person,” they are not being dramatic, suspicious, or nosy.

They are complying with Australian marriage law.

Since 12 June 2024, section 42B of the Marriage Act 1961 has required the authorised celebrant solemnising a marriage to physically meet each person separately before the marriage takes place.

The reason is serious: your celebrant must be satisfied that each of you is freely and voluntarily choosing to marry.

The meeting itself does not need to be scary. For most couples, it is simply a short, private check-in.

Last reviewed: 20 July 2026.

The short version

Before your legal marriage is solemnised:

• your celebrant must meet with each of you separately
• your celebrant and the person they are meeting must be physically in the same place
• the other person getting married cannot be present
• you may bring a trusted person if you want to
• the law does not prescribe a script or a minimum meeting length
• the meeting may happen well before the wedding or on the wedding day, provided it happens before the marriage is solemnised

You cannot waive the requirement, and your celebrant cannot replace it with a phone call or video meeting.

What does “separately” mean?

It means the celebrant meets one person without the other person getting married being present, then does the same with the other person.

It does not necessarily mean you must be alone with the celebrant. You may choose to have a trusted person with you. The celebrant should still make sure you have a genuine opportunity to speak for yourself, particularly if someone else appears to be answering for you or controlling the conversation.

The meeting should happen somewhere you feel safe, respected, and comfortable. It may be in a private room or another agreed place where the conversation cannot be overheard. The setting and approach should also be culturally appropriate for you.

Does the meeting have to be face to face?

Yes. The celebrant and each party must be physically present together for their separate meeting.

This is different from the Notice of Intended Marriage, or NOIM. Australian law allows the NOIM to be witnessed by audio-visual link in some circumstances, but the separate meeting cannot be completed remotely.

In other words: some paperwork can happen over video, but this particular conversation cannot.

When does the meeting happen?

The law only requires it to happen before the marriage is solemnised. It does not prescribe a particular day or a minimum duration.

Depending on the couple and the wedding, I may arrange the meetings in advance or build two calm, separate check-ins into the wedding day before the ceremony begins. The Attorney-General’s Department suggests that signing the Declaration of No Legal Impediment to Marriage may be a convenient time.

If anything raises a concern about consent, the conversation should happen earlier rather than later. A celebrant may also need to speak with someone separately again. Consent is not something we check once and then forget about.

If your NOIM is transferred to a different celebrant, the new celebrant must personally meet each of you separately, even if your original celebrant already did so.

What will your celebrant ask?

There is no compulsory list of questions and no magic phrase you need to say.

A good separate meeting should feel like a human conversation, not an interrogation. Your celebrant may ask open questions such as:

• How are you feeling about getting married?
• Is getting married your own choice?
• Do you feel free to change your mind?
• Do you understand that this is a legal marriage?
• Is there anything you want to tell me privately?

The purpose is not to test whether you are sufficiently romantic, calm, or enthusiastic. People arrive at weddings with all kinds of emotions. The purpose is to give each person a real opportunity to speak and to help the celebrant decide whether both people are giving real consent.

You can say no. You can change your mind. Nobody else can consent to a marriage for you.

What if the celebrant is worried about consent?

Real consent is not merely the absence of someone saying “no” out loud.

Under Australian law, consent may not be real if it was obtained through duress or fraud, if someone is mistaken about the identity of the other person or the nature of the ceremony, or if they do not understand the nature and effect of the marriage ceremony.

Duress can include threats, coercion, and psychological or emotional pressure.

If a celebrant is not satisfied that both people genuinely consent, they must not solemnise the marriage. That remains true even if deposits have been paid, guests are seated, families are expecting the wedding to proceed, or the separate meetings happened days or months earlier.

Why I opposed making every separate meeting compulsory

I want to be transparent about my view: when I was consulted about this change, I opposed making a separate in-person meeting compulsory for every marriage.

I support the purpose without hesitation. Nobody should be forced, coerced, pressured, or tricked into marriage. Real consent is the foundation of every valid marriage, and celebrants have a serious responsibility to protect it.

My concern was - and remains - whether a mandatory meeting for every couple actually helps the people the law is seeking to help.

Someone experiencing coercive control may be watched, coached, frightened of retaliation, worried about the financial or family consequences of stopping a wedding, or simply not ready to disclose what is happening during a scheduled conversation. Turning the meeting into a universal compliance step also risks creating false confidence: the formality has been completed, but the danger may still be hidden.

Before section 42B became law, official guidance already told celebrants to speak with a person separately when there were concerns about consent. In my view, the stronger protection is not merely getting every celebrant to complete the same procedural step. It is training celebrants to recognise risk, giving them the time and confidence to act, making specialist help easy to reach, and requiring them to keep paying attention right up until the marriage is solemnised.

Reasonable people can disagree with me. The change was intended as an additional safeguard, Parliament passed it, and it has been the law since 12 June 2024. I comply with it, and I treat the conversation seriously. My opposition to the blanket rule is not opposition to consent checks or to private conversations when they may help.

What this means for couples marrying with me

You do not need to prepare a speech or prove your relationship to me.

I will arrange a private, in-person check-in with each of you before the legal marriage takes place. I will explain why we are doing it, keep it calm and respectful, and make room for you to speak freely.

For most couples, it will be simple. If something important needs more time, then it gets more time. The legal obligation belongs to me as the celebrant; your job is simply to be honest.

For the rest of the legal process, read my plain-English guide to getting married in Australia.

If you are being pressured or forced to marry

If you do not want to marry, are unsure, or feel unsafe, you can tell your celebrant privately. You do not need anybody else’s permission to say no or to change your mind.

If someone may be monitoring your phone, email, messages, or browser history, use a safer device or contact method if you can.

• If there is immediate danger, call Triple Zero on 000.
• Contact the Australian Federal Police on 131 237 or use its confidential human trafficking and forced marriage report form.
• Contact My Blue Sky for free, confidential legal advice on (02) 9514 8115, by text on 0481 070 844, or by email at help@mybluesky.org.au.
• Contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 for free, confidential support.

You can ask for advice even if you are unsure whether what is happening counts as forced marriage.

Official sources

• Marriage Act 1961 - Federal Register of Legislation
• Attorney-General’s Portfolio Miscellaneous Measures Act 2024
• 2026 compulsory professional development: Separate Meetings - Attorney-General’s Department
• Parliamentary committee report on the proposed separate-meeting requirement
• Modern slavery support services - Attorney-General’s Department

This article is general information, not legal advice. The Marriage Act and official government guidance are the authoritative sources.