Why I Create Wedding Ceremonies This Way

After creating thousands of weddings, I have developed some really strong opinions about weddings and ceremony.

My strongest is my most simple: if you are going to have a wedding, create it with intent.

My second is that your ceremony is not a performance or a moment requiring perfection (and rehearsal) but instead it’s a vulnerable and human moment where we - the two of you and I with your community - create your marriage. Where we breath it to life.

I’ll also tell anyone listing that you do not need a large wedding to get married. You need the legal requirements and a few humans. The reason to gather everyone and build an event is that you want the experience of a wedding—so make that experience worth their attention and yours.

You can even do it with no-one.

I do not begin with a script

Regardless of how many people are there, the ceremony is not for them, but if there are witnesses and guests, it’s for them to witness. What happens inside that ceremony is where I shine though and I start by not strting with a template or a script.`

Many wedding ceremonies look similar because the people are handed a menu of familiar parts.

1. Welcome.
2. Love story.
3. Reading.
4. Vows.
5. Rings.
6. Kiss.

The order is not inherently bad, but it is not a reason for just doing it that way every day.

I begin with the two people getting married. What does marriage mean to you? Who is in the room? Which beliefs, cultures, relationships and promises should be visible? How do you want the moment to feel?

Does anyone attending your wedding really need a re-telling of your love story? Do they already not know?

My ceremony structure follows those answers.

Tradition must earn its chair

Tradition can be excellent. A repeated practice can connect families, faiths and generations. It can give people language when the moment is larger than them.

Tradition can also be peer pressure with good stationery.

Keep a tradition because it carries meaning, brings joy or serves the people present. Change or remove it when it assigns a role you reject, creates an experience you dislike or exists only because weddings have looked that way in photographs.

An intentional ceremony may appear traditional. The difference is that the couple chose it with their eyes open.

I prepare deeply so I can speak naturally

A ceremony should not feel like somebody is reading an article about you.

I do the work before the wedding: conversations, legal checks, names, pronunciation, structure, timing, vows, cues, sound and coordination with the team. That preparation lets me be present in the actual room rather than hiding behind a script.

Natural delivery is not improvising the legal marriage. It is knowing the work well enough to respond to the people, weather and emotion without losing the shape of the moment.

The words look forward

A relationship history can be funny and useful. It is not the whole ceremony.

Marriage points forward. The ceremony should name what is being created, what the couple values and how they intend to live. Personal vows are crucial because they give each person the chance to speak directly and make promises in their own language.

The legal words make the marriage valid. The personal words help make it yours.

Everyone needs to hear

Words cannot carry meaning if the back row hears wind and a distant murmur.

I bring professional speakers and microphones. I position myself, the couple and the equipment so guests can see faces rather than the back of a celebrant’s head. I work with photographers and videographers so sound, sightlines and movement support the same moment.

This is my craft, not a decoration. I want the two of you and everyone there to be involved and comfortable in the moment.

The ceremony should finish on time

A meaningful ceremony does not need to be long. It should be as long as it needs to be, and as short as it needs to be, no shorter, no longer, and finish on that time.

Mine are usually around 18 well-paced minutes unless religious, cultural or personal elements need more room.

The aim is not to make the ceremony brief enough to survive. It is to make every part belong. When the purpose has been fulfilled, we sign the documents, celebrate the marriage and get out of the way of the party.

That is why I work this way: a wedding ceremony is a living, public moment in which words create a marriage. It deserves more than a template and less than a lecture.